Married at 20: What the heck was I thinking?

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“Find out why a person gets married at 20 years old.”

I met my husband when I was 16 years old in high school. Not love at first sight, in fact I don’t think there was an initial attraction for the both of us. Who knew I would be married at 20 ? Crazy enough, I never had a lot of examples of marriage around me, so statically I probably should have been single and whatever society says. OK I’ll be honest I have always knew I was a long term relationship kind of girl. Isn’t that the craziest thing you have ever heard? Here I am in high school, I should be boy crazy and dating whomever I want, right? Nope, I have always been a person who needed stability which is one reason I married at 20 years old.

Me first, love later

The idea is for you to read this and get an “aha” moment or figure out why the heck some people waste their lives on marrying someone when they could be traveling the world and building a boss woman career. My husband and I know plenty of people who say don’t get married young. I have to say I agree, just not for me and a handful of other people I know. Take into consideration that it’s ok to love you first and be with someone later. I believe the point is to know if you actually want to grow with a person and know that person has the potential to grow. They have to  for real and legitimately want to do something with their life. For example, I have always known my husband/ boyfriend at the time was a hard worker. I have told him that since I met him. Secondly he had a drive to provide me with a better life that I never asked him for. Those two things together, his drive and his selflessness told me that he was marrying material.

I Met His Mama?

I get it, how did I know this at 16? I was a unicorn I suppose, no, honestly I think for both of us things that we went through as children shaped us for the kind of relationship we have now.  We were the weird kids trying to build a future together at such an earlier age. My husband honestly treated me like a wife at 16. He set the tone in terms of how serious he was. I met his whole entire family within 4 weeks of being with him because he just “knew”. Listen this kind of heavy dating isn’t for everyone at that age, in fact I don’t really recommend it.  What I do recommend is having standards no matter what age you are. That’s the take-a-way my friends, have standards.

These 3 Standards are why I Married at 20

These are the standards I have always lived by

1.  Know that I Love God and I expect you to respect that and love him too.

I will be honest with you, we go through a lot on our walk with faith.  Sometimes it’s not as consistent as it should be, but there needs to be an understanding from both of you what your faith and beliefs are. Don’t try to make someone else’s mold fit yours. My husband knew how much I loved God and he respected it. I knew he was a man of faith, although I was a little more “extreme” (hehe) at the time. If I honestly felt he wanted nothing to do with God then his mold was not going to fit mine.

    2. Make sure he can provide something

At 16 that was simply can you take me on a date. Initially I drove us where we needed to go, and he worked odd jobs to pay. We were a team. As we grew I made it clear to my husband (who was a year ahead of me), that he was required to do something with his life. He honestly loved me enough to make sure he upheld that. We encouraged each other to do better.

3. Make sure he wants what I want.

We didn’t talk a lot about finances being so young, (which is a conversation that should always be had) but we knew we didn’t want to struggle financially. We both knew all too well what that felt like.  Also children and the way we raised our family was important to us. We wanted our children to be smart, and good people. As a family we wanted to  go on vacations, and visit museum, help other, and build something for our children. These are things my husband and I talked about often…..dreams.

Make your point

The Point of it all is being married at 20 was not apart of my plan, but I knew that stability was, meaning I don’t do well with change. So naturally I’ don’t think I would be a serial dater. Also just because I got married at a young age doesn’t mean you should or advise someone to. People change a lot and the earlier you get married the more changes you have to go through together. Trust me that makes things tough so be prepared. My advice will always be, pray deeply, have standards, assess your situation, no matter what stage you are in life, and be open. Marriage is tough and you have to organize your thoughts and the path you and your significant other would like to travel.  Be prepared to do the work at any age and find  other solid  married couples to relate to. Check out these statics Cosmopolitan wrote on young marriages.