Married at 20: What the heck was I thinking?

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“Find out why a person gets married at 20 years old.”

young african american couple married at 20 living everyday trying to beat the odds of divorce.

I met my husband when I was 16 years old in high school. Not love at first sight, in fact I don’t think there was an initial attraction for the both of us. Who knew I would be married at 20 ? Crazy enough, I never had a lot of examples of marriage around me, so statically I probably should have been single and whatever society says. OK I’ll be honest I have always knew I was a long term relationship kind of girl. Isn’t that the craziest thing you have ever heard? Here I am in high school, I should be boy crazy and dating whomever I want, right? Nope, I have always been a person who needed stability which is one reason I married at 20 years old.

Me first, love later

The idea is for you to read this and get an “aha” moment or figure out why the heck some people waste their lives on marrying someone when they could be traveling the world and building a boss woman career. My husband and I know plenty of people who say don’t get married young. I have to say I agree, just not for me and a handful of other people I know. Take into consideration that it’s ok to love you first and be with someone later. I believe the point is to know if you actually want to grow with a person and know that person has the potential to grow. They have to  for real and legitimately want to do something with their life. For example, I have always known my husband/ boyfriend at the time was a hard worker. I have told him that since I met him. Secondly he had a drive to provide me with a better life that I never asked him for. Those two things together, his drive and his selflessness told me that he was marrying material.

I Met His Mama?

I get it, how did I know this at 16? I was a unicorn I suppose, no, honestly I think for both of us things that we went through as children shaped us for the kind of relationship we have now.  We were the weird kids trying to build a future together at such an earlier age. My husband honestly treated me like a wife at 16. He set the tone in terms of how serious he was. I met his whole entire family within 4 weeks of being with him because he just “knew”. Listen this kind of heavy dating isn’t for everyone at that age, in fact I don’t really recommend it.  What I do recommend is having standards no matter what age you are. That’s the take-a-way my friends, have standards.

young african american couple married at 20 beating the odds of divorce

These 3 Standards are why I Married at 20

These are the standards I have always lived by

  1.  Know that I Love God and I expect you to respect that and love him too.

I will be honest with you, we go through a lot on our walk with faith.  Sometimes it’s not as consistent as it should be, but there needs to be an understanding from both of you what your faith and beliefs are. Don’t try to make someone else’s mold fit yours. My husband knew how much I loved God and he respected it. I knew he was a man of faith, although I was a little more “extreme” (hehe) at the time. If I honestly felt he wanted nothing to do with God then his mold was not going to fit mine.

    2. Make sure he can provide something

At 16 that was simply can you take me on a date. Initially I drove us where we needed to go, and he worked odd jobs to pay. We were a team. As we grew I made it clear to my husband (who was a year ahead of me), that he was required to do something with his life. He honestly loved me enough to make sure he upheld that. We encouraged each other to do better.

3. Make sure he wants what I want.

We didn’t talk a lot about finances being so young, (which is a conversation that should always be had) but we knew we didn’t want to struggle financially. We both knew all too well what that felt like.  Also children and the way we raised our family was important to us. We wanted our children to be smart, and good people. As a family we wanted to  go on vacations, and visit museum, help other, and build something for our children. These are things my husband and I talked about often…..dreams.

Make your point

The Point of it all is being married at 20 was not apart of my plan, but I knew that stability was, meaning I don’t do well with change. So naturally I’ don’t think I would be a serial dater. Also just because I got married at a young age doesn’t mean you should or advise someone to. People change a lot and the earlier you get married the more changes you have to go through together. Trust me that makes things tough so be prepared. My advice will always be, pray deeply, have standards, assess your situation, no matter what stage you are in life, and be open. Marriage is tough and you have to organize your thoughts and the path you and your significant other would like to travel.  Be prepared to do the work at any age and find  other solid  married couples to relate to. Check out these statics Cosmopolitan wrote on young marriages.

young african american couple married at 20 beating the odds of divorce

When you look eye to eye with and angel don’t mean that it’s always the end. Sometimes its the start of a new blessing that comes in the form of a friend. Now we all live in fear of when that day will come when memories are all we can hold. The fire that burns is a natural love and it keeps us both warm when its cold. -Jamie Foxx (Love Brings Change)

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8 Comments

  1. Jasmine William
    November 2, 2017 / 3:45 pm

    This is so insightful. I agree with all you a whole . Thanks alot.

  2. November 5, 2017 / 2:01 am

    We got married at 19 even though so many people told us what a terrible mistake it would be. Eight years and two kids later, I wouldn’t change a thing about our life together. It seems like life keeps getting better with each passing year and I’m so glad we didn’t listen to the naysayers. You’re right on with the assertion that the key is to put God first and make sure that both of you are committed to staying aligned with His will.

    • Ebony S Hinton
      November 6, 2017 / 6:48 pm

      Jordan We had the same thing happen to us, even after we were married people still asked why lol. So glad we didn’t listen, thank you for reading and sharing your view 🙂

  3. November 6, 2017 / 8:08 pm

    I was with my ex from I was 15 and I moved in with him when I was 18. I really thought we were going to get married. Luckly not because we grew somehow apart and I actually meet another guy when I was 20 with whom I have been together with for 15 years (11 years married). I dont say you are making a mistake because you guys could totally last…but in my case it didnt.

  4. November 7, 2017 / 1:38 am

    Sometimes when people get married so young or so quickly they grow apart because of the lack of understanding who you were marrying and why. As well as, how much they were willing to work on the marriage and grow together as they grew individually. I think this is great. I got married right after I turned 23 and I couldn’t have imagined my life any better!

  5. November 7, 2017 / 2:40 am

    My husband and I have a love of similarities. We met at 17 in high school and I was 21 when we got married. People say you should take time and “find yourself” before you settle down and get married, but I love that we’ve grown up together.

  6. November 7, 2017 / 3:14 pm

    I got married young as well, although not as young as 20. We also got married less than a year after we met. We just Knew. Almost 9 years later and we’re still going strong. God is good.

  7. November 11, 2017 / 9:31 pm

    Aw this is cute! I was engaged by 21, and received similar types of comments… 🙂

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