I started Therapy over 4 years ago off and on, and it changed my life. I was like many people thinking it probably was just a waste of time, but there I was a black woman, sitting across from a therapist, trying to work through my thoughts. I felt liberated and free to be able to talk to someone who’s job it was just to listen and help. Why is everybody not doing this ran through my mind as I drove home.
I think for some people they think therapy is simply a waste of time. But for other people, there is a fear of digging deep and exposing their scars. Oh, and there is that whole “black people don’t go to therapy thing.” Hey,I get it. But carrying discomfort and pain mentally will eventually spill out and affect every area of your life, sometimes making you physically sick. In fact my own traumas that I am healing from did the very same thing to me.
Therapy has taught me that being vulnerable will result in a healing that you sometimes can’t get from yourself alone. I mentioned I’ve been going off and on for 4 years. Recently I decided to go back because I needed a tune up and basically to talk about a different area we hadn’t discussed. Life changes and new things happen everyday. So going back is a normal process. Therapy doesn’t have to be a one and done thing.
Three Life Changing Things I Learned From Therapy
I know you’re like ” Eb be real with me, what have you learned so far?” I’m like this too. I need to know the real, sometimes I need to know your results. Well here is my progress. In the four years I have been going I have learned these top 3 things:
- You can’t Change other people. Once you fully, study, accept and embody this concept a lot of things don’t worry you as much. Then for somethings you release quilt of because it was simply something you couldn’t control(In this moment I was like , “girl where is Oprah with the ah ha moment).
- Typically women go through their version of a mid-life crisis sometime in the first 5 years of their 30s. Much earlier than men. This is the time we reevaluate life, decide things we want, and who we want in our life. I personally like to call this the “shake up.” If you feel this, you may be feeling that “I want more or I need a change,” feeling. This was monumental for me because my 30s literally in the blink of an eye, felt nothing like my 20s.
- Ok, this one is obviously personal to me, but I have a strong “I’m not good enough” complex that subconsciously affects different areas in my life. I have confidence and all that good stuff, but that complex I mentioned is underlying and very much so real for me.
All of this I figured out in therapy and has helped me in my business, with family and friends. So are you ready to give it a try yet? Check out these tips to get you started.
Thinking of Going to Therapy? Try These 5 Tips
- Figure out what you need to talk about. It’s good to have a general idea about what you need help with, so you aren’t all over the place.
- Decide if you prefer and man or woman or even someone that is your ethnicity. There is nothing wrong with choosing someone who you think you can identify with. But understand this, it’s most important to find someone who you are comfortable with regardless. My last therapist, before I moved was nothing like what I thought I wanted but he was amazing.
- Don’t be afraid to switch therapist if that one is not what you were looking for. Some people will say therapy doesn’t work for them, and sometimes its just because they didn’t favor their experience. It’s ok to switch.
- Once you find your therapist, give it at least 3 months before you decide to quit, because some sessions may be difficult, but that’s a good thing. That means you’re actually working through what you are being seen for.
- Allow yourself to feel emotional. That doesn’t always mean crying for some people, anyone of your emotions may be experienced. But that’s the thing, experience them sis.
I want my black women to know this. We carry a lot of oppressed feelings from being a woman and being black. We are the strength and fuel behind a lot of avenues in life. You cannot let yourself drown because you’re too scared to fail or let others down. Your secret weapon will always be how you care for yourself internally. Because the stronger and healthier you are on the inside, the smarter you become when handling your business in life. You will learn how to deal with stress, conflict, and have the tools to balance. Don’t be shy to sit down and see if therapy is something that you feel will work for you.
Resource: Want to find a Therapist in your area? Try here